A NEW LAYER OF DISCOVERY
I’ve come to realize that to live the best life is to appreciate your foundations and embrace the risks that come with being care free.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a borderline perfectionist. I think it has something to do with being the first child. I was taught to think twice or sometimes even thrice before taking a leap, to make the “best” decisions so that I can “lead by example’, whatever that truly means, I’ll never know. I learnt to always play it safe, to never risk it all and to never complain even when my shoulders weren’t strong enough to hold up the weight.
Moving to a new country was my first step to figuring out who I was and what I was passionate about. I soon realized that my structured upbringing, for the lack of a better word had taken its toll on my life decisions, as I was stuck playing the safe card in every aspect of my life. I felt like I had spent my life living a script written by everyone else but me and that I needed an escape plan and fast!
I created ‘The Alma Chronicle’ as a desperate attempt to find my voice and create a path in this world. My blog has been an incredible self-discovery outlet and I’ve spent the last 2 years unlearning practically everything I thought was right.
This brings me to present day.
I recently hit a road block in my life where I constantly questioned everything I thought I knew and believed in. Starting with my blog. I took a look at this space and spent a good amount of time criticizing every photo, every word & every thought. My supposed safe space made me feel so empty and I began to worry. I worried that all the hard work I had put in over the last 2 years meant nothing. I thought, if something I believed in and loved doing so much made me feel this way, then what do I really have? What is my anchor?
Then I realized, it wasn’t the feeling of emptiness, it was the feeling of growth and purpose. I was no longer the girl who shy-ed away from challenges and change, instead, I embraced them with arms wide open.
The past few weeks have been a rollercoaster of “on-the-go” decisions. I found myself saying YES to a lot of rather interesting but scary challenges. I referenced this post I wrote a while back to remind myself why I started TAC in the first place, it was a good reminder to keep going even on the days it feels like no one’s watching.
Right now, I’m taking the days as they come and dancing to my own rhythm. I’ve learnt that sometimes, the world will play a beat too fast for your legs to carry & it’s ultimately up to you to decide what pace you can keep up or how quickly you fall.
P.S: What do you think about the new layout? I super love it!
Till next time,