2018 – A YEAR IN REVIEW
Sitting in my room at the Kempinski hotel in Dubai watching all 3 sisters sleeping on the same bed, cuddled together is really the only glue holding me from having an unwarranted panic attack at the moment. I had gone to bed in all laughs, and somewhere in my sleep, I started to feel inadequate and decided it’ll be best to write down a recap of 2018 as opposed to going down this road with my emotions!
Typing on my keyboard, I’m curious as to how much my fingers will let me share in this post. First off, I actually cannot believe 2018 is over! WHEW CHILE! This year was definitely on some Usain Bolt movement and my heels were not ready to keep up.
You see, 2018 was one of those years that I’ll call unstructured. I started this year with no concrete goals, apart from the need to be a better version of myself. I even named it “the year of stressing less” in a blog post here. I’m not exactly sure it ended up being the year I stressed less, but it was definitely a year where I made a conscious effort to stress only about the important things!
Going by that metric, I will definitely say 2018 was less of a shit show than I would have imagined. Being a Capricorn who is semi-obsessed with the idea of perfection and order, 2018 proved to me that sometimes, having no plan doesn’t mean the world will come crashing down. Really.
I felt it’ll be best to share this according to different headings, because what is life without fancy bullet points?
Boy oh boy, where do I start from? First off, I didn’t spend a whole month crying over no bombclat man so PROGRESS! Lol but really, I reckon that a lot of people (aka my audience) don’t have an insight into my dating life, because I like to keep that part of me “private”, so a lot of the things I deal with emotionally when it comes to relationships will never be shared on the web, but I just want y’all to know that I’VE BEEN THROUGH IT! Dating has never come easily to me and I’m finally starting to accept that sometimes, it’s more important to give yourself the love you so yearn from others.
“You are your first example of how you want to be loved” – Alma, 2108.
I made a conscious choice in 2018 to not invest emotionally in anything that doesn’t and will not return energy that is necessary for my growth – be it friendships, relationships, professional connections, etc. I literally chucked up my deuces to people and situations so many times, and moved forward, never backward. My mantra became “if you return to a situation that doesn’t feed you, you’ll turn to salt” – I’m hoping y’all get that biblical reference.
As a result of that conscious decision, I laughed more, loved more, opened up more, talked more, shared more, but only in situations that made me feel safe. I no longer felt the need to walk around with an invisible wall, pushing everyone away and wondering why I craved companionship so bad.
Made a choice to see the cup half full rather than half empty. Did I make as much money as I would have liked this year? hell no. But did I make more than I did last year? hell yeah! I also learned that going broke while investing in your passion is a real thing! One of my biggest goals for the year was to gain financial independence from my parents and boy was that tougher than I expected.
I shared in a youtube video here, how I dealt with panic/anxiety attacks for the latter half on 2017. On a weird night in January, I penciled down in my journal “it’ll be a great year if I didn’t wake up out of breath or praying for it all to end” – yes, at some point, that was all I needed.
One mantra that took me through the second half of the year was a simple tweet shared by @abxola, it read: “I will not aspire to a life that was packaged and sold to me”. Reading that really helped me put a lot of struggles into perspective and once again, realize the importance of focusing on my own race and nobody else’s. When the majority of your work is centered around social media, the ability to unplug and constantly remind yourself that comparison is the absolute thief of joy and happiness can get really challenging. Being conscious about this weakness and finding ways to curb it was a journey on its own this year.
Both TAC and my 9-5 job pushed me to different boundaries this year. I got nominated for “Blogger of the year” and moved up the corporate ladder in the space of 5 months. I also hosted my first ever event in Toronto, Connect Chat & Chill and had different opportunities to use my platform as an inspiring avenue for young women from different parts of the world.
TAC – I struggled with accepting that impact was way more than numbers on the screen and sometimes, I failed to see how far I had come. I had been blogging for 3 years, and in 2018, I checked off collaborations with Bobbi Brown, Bumble amongst others. So instead of pouting and complaining, I’m taking my learnings and applying them to be better in 2019.
9-5 – I’m still on a path of figuring out where I’m headed career-wise and this process has taken a toll on my emotions! Some days I think I’m sure, other days, I feel just like the girl walking across the stage to get a degree from a course she had no interest in. So basically, back to square one.
Going into the new year, I am arming myself with a saying from a recent sermon by Pastor Steve Furtick.
“Why can’t your happiness be here? why do we have the notion that our happiness lies in the next destination, next job, next paycheck, next relationship? Why can’t it be in this present situation?” – In other words, it doesn’t have to be perfect to be enjoyable.
Overall, it was a year of learning and unlearning, growing even when it was uncomfortable and realizing that life is meant to be lived and not merely passed through.
I hope you all had a good 2018, and if you didn’t, the fact that you are alive, here, reading this is all the confirmation you need to know that you can hope for better!
With this, I sign off 2018 and excitedly look forward to what year 26 and 2019 holds!
Till next time,