WELCOMING THE SPRING PHASE
Watching the leaves slowly regain their colours as the arrival of spring gets closer, I’ve taken some time to reflect on the lessons I’ve learnt so far in the first two months of 2017. I never talked about resolutions on the blog because I didn’t think I had any; I had goals scribbled down on different notepads and napkins with no idea on how to pursue them.
One of my biggest goals for this year is to build my faith and relationship with God. I know a lot of us say this at the beginning of every year but sometimes, it takes you being pressed at the bottom and realising there is no way up without His help. I remember speaking to a friend last year and telling her about how fragile my spirituality had gotten over the years because nothing was going the way I wanted it to. I often had thoughts like “Did God forget me?” or even made silly statements like “I’m pretty sure my life is banter to him”.
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2016 was a really challenging year for me. I spent most of the year dealing with panic attacks, nervous breakdowns, anger and an unforgiving spirit. Although it looked like I was winning on the outside, a lot of days and nights were spent clutching pillows, crying, asking God for just one little win or a ray of sunshine to prove that he still has my back. I felt weak, forgotten, lost, confused and more importantly, angry.
The one thing I didn’t realize was, I was putting my problems at God’s feet and trying to dictate how He was going to handle them at the same time. I felt that if I acted a certain way for a certain period of time, I would be rewarded. It got to a point where I started forcing things into happening and rejoicing in what I like to call “faux-blessings”. You know the man-made rewards that never last? Yes, those ones.
Fast forward to 2017, I realized that for anything to happen, I needed to reflect internally and make some changes, starting with the most important things: reading the bible and praying more.
Truth be told, for the longest time, I thought this was my Mother’s department. I’d go on my knees and be confused on how to speak to God. What was I supposed to say? How was I supposed to say it? Was I Christian enough to talk to him? These were the thoughts I battled with.
The first thing I did was rid myself of the thought that I wasn’t Christian enough. I started making intentional decisions to strengthen my spiritual life by taking time out of my day, no matter how little, to study the bible and say a prayer. I also changed the things I prayed about; it became more about asking for a renewed mind, understanding the wisdom in God’s silence (patience), and fulfilling the purpose for which he has put me on Earth. Here’s an amazing sermon by Joyce Meyer on how to view the pain of our past as God’s way of preparing us for our future that I recommend.
I’m not saying my life’s a bed of spring roses at the moment, but dealing with the thorns has definitely become easier since I invited God to take control. I just want to let someone out there know that God sees everything that you’re going through and most of the time, He’s just waiting for you to ask for His help and leave everything in his hands.
“Cast all your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you” – Psalms 55:22
I’m currently more happy and optimistic than I have been for a while. I believe situations are greener and the air is warmer. It’s safe to say my life is going through a spring phase.
“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome” — Anne Bradstreet
I’d really appreciate it if you shared this post because I know this message is intended for someone out there. Also, if you’d like to keep the conversation going, please feel free to leave a comment below.
Till next time,